Saturday, November 22, 2014

Need

I think I need to blog. I think if I don't get this out of me I will explode.
I have a need. Blogging is my release.
Too much has been going on. The rocks in my head keep tumbling around.
And now I start to type and my mind has gone blank. Oh dear reader are you there? Do you read me? Is this thing on?????

PTFO  

Monday, May 26, 2014

Puttin this on blast

Such beauty in this world. Only to be met at times with such ugliness.
I have not blogged in a long time. Life sometimes gets in the way of blogging about life.
I have someone whom I keep at the outskirts of my life who is acting really ugly. I am not sure what happened to this person in their life that fills them up with hatred. This person has a very sad existence.
This person hates me. With such passion.
This person says, and I quote, I wish that bitch was dead. He is refering to this bitch right here. Me.
As if he deserves to be on this planet more than I do. That my children deserve to be motherless. That my step childen deserve to see another woman die. Was it not enough to see their own mother die?
That my husband should bury another wife because my being on this planet angers this person so much he would rather me dead.
Sad. Just ever so sad.
This person goes around my social peers and spews his hatred. He doesn't care what gets back to our kids. His agenda is way more important that little ears hearing what he says.
This is his religion. His opinions are gospel. His hate is the doctrine he follows and believes everyone should too.
I am not he first to be his target. No no no. I am in the line up of what's wrong with the world.
In his path of destruction he is taking innocent people with him.
So I say, peace be with you sir. You are knocking on the door of karma and she is not kind sometimes. What you put out here comes back to you ten fold...good luck with that.

PTFO

Friday, January 17, 2014

Blink of an Eye

Life changes. I have no words right now. No one deserves such pain. Such heartache.
Life is so short. So very short.
Am I wasting it????

Please help if you can.





http://www.gofundme.com/695ico

or

https://fundrazr.com/campaigns/6gCDf/ab/82eey6?psid=bfb8c53c8a4847b4bba56065557e907e


Monday, September 23, 2013

At Dusk

THERE AT DUSK I FOUND YOU~
by Edna St. Vincent Millay

There at dusk I found you, walking and weeping 
Upon the broken flags,
Where at dusk the dumb white nicotine awakes and utters her
fragrance
In a garden sleeping.

Looking askance you said:
Love is dead.

Under our eyes without warning softly the summer afternoon
let fall
The rose upon the wall,
And it lay there splintered.
Terribly then into my heart the forgotten anguish entered.

I saw the dark stone on the smallest finger of your hand,
And the clean cuff above.
No more, no more the dark stone on the smallest finger
Of your brown and naked arm,
Lifting my body in love!

Worse than dead is he of the wounded wing,
Who walks between us, weeping upon the cold flags,
Bleeding and weeping, dragging his broken wing.
He has gathered the rose into his hand and chafed her with his
breath.
But the rose is quiet and pale. She has forgotten us all.
Even spring.
Even death.

As for me, I have forgotten nothing,-nor shall I ever forget-
But this one thing:
I have forgotten which of us it was 
That hurt his wing.
I only know his limping flight above us in the blue air
Toward the sunset cloud
Is more than I can bear.

You, you there,
Stiff-necked and angry, holding up your head so proud,
Have you not seen how pitiful lame he flies, and none to befriend
him?
Speak! Are you blind? Are you dead?
Shall we call him back? Shall we mend him?


Not my usual....but I liked it the first time i read it on another blog. 

PTFO

Sunday, July 14, 2013

For My Favorite 11 yr old!

http://smilebox.com/playBlog/4d7a637a4d6a63314d7a513d0d0a&blogview=true

I love you Elliot, more than air!!!!!!!!!!!!

oxoxoxo
Mommy

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

A Survivors Response to Angelina Jolie

I cannot listen to the media anymore talk about Angelina Jolie's choice for a double mastectomy.
I am not unsympathetic to her fear. I know that fear. My issue is this:
She has all the money in the world to be completely out of commission while her home, children and family went on in working order.She has enough money to not argue with doctors and insurance companies to have a realistic reason to use insurance monies.
I live in a woman's house that was killed by breast cancer. I have had breast cancer twice. When you are a slave to the insurance companies you are on the slow track to anything you used to have as a normal life.
Again, I understand her reason and her fear. But for every media outlet to act like her coming out with this information is such an act of bravery, is eye rolling to me at the least.
Most insurance companies would say what she did was elective. She was asymptomatic  I read about her mother, I read about her chances. Average Americans like myself struggle for healthcare. We struggle after lifetimes caps on treatment and cost. We have fundraisers. We gather up meal trains and babysitting. Things that when you have the sort of time and money that this celebrity has, is not a factor.
Again I get her reasons and fears.
All of us want to see our children grow up. All of us want to hold our grandchildren. All of us would LOVE to get this all done in 9 weeks (or so) time. All of us would love to have beautiful new breast. But at certain Stages of cancer you do not get that choice. Most of us have to wait until we get through chemo, while our chest skin tightens and scar tissue is created. Then we begin the reconstruction surgery that take away even more time from our families and jobs. That's just not reality for the average American diagnosed with Breast Cancer to have the experience Angelia Jolie had.
We worry about if our employers will give us the time off and hopefully paid. We worry that if we do get to go back to work out job will be waiting for us. We worry about how our children will get to school or how they will be taken care of during an entire day filled with chemo and doctor appointments. We try not to ask our spouse to take off too much time. We have to keep some kind of insurance somehow  We have to worry of changes in insurance and now having pre existing conditions.
Again I get her reasons and fears.
I really do.
Insurance and the highest of care is not for the poor or middle class.
I cannot blame celebrities for for their wealth That would be silly. I do blame the media for glorifying the choice of a person in this world for coming out with her situation, while millions of people cannot afford something as simple as insurance for a check up on a lump the found.

PTFO

Monday, April 15, 2013

The Seconds

Two more children lost their mother recently.
All I can think is....

Those babies
Those babies
Those babies

I horrifically step into her shoes. I think of last thoughts and wishes and dreams and love for those 2 humans that grew inside of her. Every hair on their sweet heads. Every breath they take. Every beat of their broken hearts, grew inside of her at a time that cancer was only a disease she read about that happened to to other people.
Then it happen to her and she kicked, fought, scratched, and screamed her way to have every second she could with those 2 babies. Those seconds are now over.
All I can think is....

FUCK YOU CANCER
FUCK YOU
FUCK YOU
FUCK YOU

PTFO