The Seconds

Two more children lost their mother recently.
All I can think is....

Those babies
Those babies
Those babies

I horrifically step into her shoes. I think of last thoughts and wishes and dreams and love for those 2 humans that grew inside of her. Every hair on their sweet heads. Every breath they take. Every beat of their broken hearts, grew inside of her at a time that cancer was only a disease she read about that happened to to other people.
Then it happen to her and she kicked, fought, scratched, and screamed her way to have every second she could with those 2 babies. Those seconds are now over.
All I can think is....

FUCK YOU CANCER
FUCK YOU
FUCK YOU
FUCK YOU

PTFO

In Sickness and in Health

i have been really sick this week.  i havent been this sick in a really long time. it honestley scares the shit out of me. i dont like to be ill. i dont like to go to the doctor. i have had enough of all that in my life.

i will say this, through me fever induced haze i have been introspective. through my larengitious induced throat i have been silent. both issues have taken me aback and caused myself to do a little thinking time under the covers. and with spring being on our heels, getting well feels like coming out of a cocoon. 

i would absolutely say that this was the winter of my discontent. it started in the fall and rolled over me like a steamroller. and i absolutely take credit for the better half of it. i wrote blogs how i wasnt taking any more shit, mostly to convince myself that i wasnt. did you believe me? if so, i am quite a convincing writer...if not, i really didnt believe me either. hows that for truth in publishing?

getting back on track...

seriously, as the sun starts to shine more, and i hear the birds sing, i think of their tweets as a battle cry of new beginnings. eggs will be laid. bulbs will burst out of the dirt the were planted months ago. my voice is coming back figuratively and literally. 

consider yourself warned 

ptfo

Things Coming Across My Wire...

A few things I have been chewing on lately:

Persons who behave like cunts are always surprised when they are treated like cunts.

Tell yourself fewer lies.

A tiger doesn't loose sleep over the opinion of sheep.

Fashion is expected to change. People not so much.

Don't agree with yourself all the fucking time.

You tear me a       part.

Lies are lovely. Truth is mostly a cunt.

Porn is more honest than religion.

Neither your heart or your balls should be easily broken.

Please do me the ultimate kindness of minding your own damn business.

Pain is fuel.

Having one doesn't entitle you to act like one.

Don't ask me what I think of you because I don't.

Haters are people scared of their own emptiness.

Thank you Shahir Zag

PTFO

I Had a Dream

Happy MLK Day.
But that is not what this blog is about.
I had a dream.....

This weekend would have been her 40th bday. FORTY. 40. I was at the last bday she celebrated, here on Earth. It was her 35th.
And I think because I thought about her all weekend, she came to me in my dreams last night.
We hugged. Embraced. I long hug. The kind you give to a long lost friend. She is my long lost friend. She looked so healthy and beautiful. She had a glow.
Imissyouimissyouimissyouimissyou.

Come back soon to my dreams. It's been way too long.
Happy Birthday Day.
I love you.

Peace Out

She's Like a Rainbow

She comes in colors ev'rywhere; 
She combs her hair 
She's like a rainbow 
Coming, colors in the air 
everywhere 
She comes in colors 

She comes in colors ev'rywhere; 
She combs her hair 
She's like a rainbow 
Coming, colors in the air 
Oh, everywhere 
She comes in colors 

Have you seen her dressed in blue? 
See the sky in front of you 
And her face is like a sail 
Speck of white so fair and pale 
Have you seen a lady fairer? 

She comes in colors ev'rywhere; 
She combs her hair 
She's like a rainbow 
Coming, colors in the air 
everywhere 
She comes in colors 

Have you seen her all in gold? 
Like a queen in days of old 
She shoots colors all around 
Like a sunset going down 
Have you seen a lady fairer? 

She comes in colors ev'rywhere; 
She combs her hair 
She's like a rainbow 
Coming, colors in the air 
Oh, everywhere 
She comes in colors 

She's like a rainbow 
Coming, colors in the air 
Oh, everywhere 
She comes in colors

I'm Gunna Have to Quit You

Dear Facebook,
You are an asshole. No really...you are.
You used to be so fun and make me feel so liked and connected.
But honestly, these days, I feel nothing other than contempt for you and all the things that I see I am left out of, uninvited to, never invited to, or simply ignored.
You, dear FB, are the ultimate mean girls club. The games, the politics, the religious crap...it's wearing me down.
To be honest I've met another time suck that doesn't make me feel like shit every time I dare to sneak a peek. It's called pinterest. So there. I have another way to waste time!

Peace the Fuck Out

The Ghost of Christmas Past

 Christmas 2006.
I was in the middle of chemo for my second round of breast cancer. I was weak and frail. I couldn't travel for the holidays. So I called my family and asked them to come to me. And being my family they came.
It was a time in my life that I will never forget. Pictured here are Uncle Steve and Cousin Travis. Me with no wig and those two jokers...well look at them!
Thank you for that moment captured forever.

I love ya'll
Maria