Thursday, March 29, 2007

Hey Dude, Where's My Car?

I had a wreck yesterday. My car.....
It's a done deal.
I could tell you that it is all for the best and really, it is. We need a car with a bit more space, but this was not how I wanted to go about it. Issaquah is not made for one car families. Believe me I know because when Elliot was a baby and we moved out here we only had one car. It sucked. Big time. Now that I have two kids I don't look forward to being down to one vehicle.
No one was hurt, just shook up a bit. We now embark on the journey of finding a new car. This will more than likely take FOREVER. I have been with A long enough to know that this process is never easy for him and in turn it will not be easy on me.

Peace Out

Sunday, March 25, 2007

Things I Love

Besides the obvious-Family, Children, Partner...
Just a list of things I love, in no particular order.

Playland at Fred Meyer
Chicken Fried Steak
Diet Coke
My GE Profile Stainless Steele refrigerator
My Tiffiany's bracelet with Elliot's name inscribed on it
Jeep's (I used to own one)
The color red
People magazine
My hair (when it have it)
Painted toenails
Mexican food
Costco hotdogs
Chai Tea
My deck
Frida Khalo
My surgeon Dr Bock
Smelling clean laundry
My king size bed
Reality TV
Rachael Ray Magazine (not the show!)
Thai food

More to come...

Friday, March 23, 2007

For The Record...

I will live a long healthy happy life.

Peace Out

Thursday, March 22, 2007

My Latest Obsession

I have a new past time...
Growing my hair. I am OBSESSED. Sometimes I check it hourly. Somedays I have to force myself not to look so that I can see some growth. My eyelashes and eyebrows are coming in nicely. My brows look like a caterpillar because I refuse to pluck one beautiful hair. I have never dyed my hair. I have been able to keep up with the gray hairs by pulling them out. I know, I know, you should never pull out a gray hair because four more will come back. NOT TRUE.
Anyhoo, I now vow I will never ever never pull a hair out of my head again. They are just too precious! After being bald I cannot waste a single strand.
I am even putting mascara on my lash nubs. If I grew chest hair at this point I would leave it. Maybe I will be warmer now that my body hair is growing back.
I even bought razors the other day with plans to shave my legs soon. For those of you who think shaving is a drag, I cannot explain to you how much I look forward to something as mundane as shaving!!!!! It's all relative isn't it?
So that's my life today. Exciting as watching hair grow. :)

Peace Out

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Living Life By The Drip

I went to have H last Thursday.
drip. drip. drip.
I watch my life in drips. The nurses make sure I get every last drop. Even when the machine starts beeping they come and reset it so that I get every morsel from the I.V. bag.
Counting life by the drip.
I have had a cold again. Not as bad as a couple of weeks ago. Maybe my immune system is getting stronger and had the power to fight this one a little better.
I went to my support group last night. What a bunch of courageous women I sat among. At times not feeling worthy of their company. We all have a different story. We all have aches and pains. We all have fear and hope. We are the same yet different. We are different yet the same.
We are all counting the drips until we feel healthy and safe again.

Peace Out

Sunday, March 11, 2007


If God wills.
What a simple word. Did you know that there is no word in the English language that covers this?
It's hard to let go and let God's will be what it is.
I am pro choice. I mean that across the board. We all have choices we make in faith, morales, lifestyles, whatever. Who am I to tell you otherwise? Who are you to tell me? We do not live in glass houses. We are mere mortals that have no right to put our THANG onto others.
I don't care if you pray to a tree. I don't care if you pray to Allah, or God, or Buddha. You have that choice in my world.
Inshallah. I am chewing on that word. I am thinking about the future. I am thinking about the peace that word brings to me. Maybe it will bring you some too...

Peace Out

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Not Ready To Make Nice

I will not forgive and forget. I will not forgive cancer for what it has done to me and my family. It is inexcusable to put ANYONE through what we have been through. The fear, the sorrow, the pain, the grief.
I am not friends with cancer. I am not at peace with the fact that I have had cancer. It's not O.K.. My body looks like a war zone on the outside. Who knows what it's like on the inside. I have been drugged, poisoned, cut open, stripped, humiliated.
Am I bitter? Hell yes. I pray you never have to walk in my shoes to let me know if you'd be bitter too.
I hate you cancer.
You're ugly.
Good for nothin'.
I wish I never heard your name.
So go on.
Get out of here.
Do not darken my doorstep again.
I'm through with you and your kind.

I'm not ready to make nice,

I'm not ready to back down,
I'm still mad as hell
And I don't have time
To go round and round and round
It's too late to make it right
I probably wouldn't if I could
Cause I'm mad as hell
Can't bring myself to do what it is
You think I should
Dixie Chicks

Thursday, March 01, 2007

My Lady Lumps

I don't know how much I have written about my boobies. I will dedicate this entry to them.

My cans
My boobs
My boobies
My tits
My sacks
My hooters
My lumps
My ta-tas
My jugs

In my hayday they were quite cute and perky. Of course I was too stupid to know that. Time marched on...
One boob had surgery
One boob nursed two children for 30 months total.
They were not lookin' so great, but I'll tell you that if they were healthy, I sure would love to have them back.
That's another story...
Having them both cut off means not dealing with a breast cancer again. It means never wearing a jog bra again. It means never seeing them sag more and more each year.
But it also means my girls never get to cuddle up to the warm mushiness of them again. That's really the part that gets me, because they loved them. To them, they were comfort and a soft place to land. Not what society has made them to be. I feel women are judged to a certain degree on their value as a symbol of sex on their breast size. Men, of course, can hide that small penis thing until the light get low.
So now I have my little cutlets and my new bras. My tits look GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I mean these things are my boobs of when I was 25! They will never sag. How cool is that?
It's nice to look down and see them. Two old friends.
My friend Kristina will be having some reconstruction surgery tomorrow. Put her on your prayer wheel would ya?

Peace Out

All my girls get down on the floor
Back to back drop it down real low
I'm such a lady but I'm dancing like a ho
'cause you know I don't give a fuck so here we go!