Thursday, November 22, 2007

Not The Marrying Kind

I am not married.
Despite the fact that I have two kids and a committed relationship with the same man for 8 years...I am not married. Nor will I be. i have no plans to be married nor does my partner.
For me, the is nothing that a legal document can change anything for me. i will not be more of a mate of a better mommy. I will not change my name or my status in society. Our I's are dotted and our T's are crossed. We have insurance policies and health care. I have all the papers documented. So why would I get married? Let me think about that.
I have been asked many times when we will marry. Too many to count.
Do you want me to marry for religious reasons? If so, give me those reasons and I will think about it.
My relationship with my partner is not one of either one of us dying to make it all "legal." I admit, there was a time that I thought we would and I truly wanted it. But a lot has happened in these eight years that has me to believe nothing would change. Being married doesn't make people stay together. Commitment, compromise, devotion. That's what keeps my family together. Some of you who read this are married. Perhaps not your first marriage. Being a couple is never easy 100% of the time. and a ceremony will not change that.
We are a family, the four of us. Nothing, nothing will ever change that.

I'm a girl, I'm a boy
And the goddess meant for me only joy
And real love requires you, give up those loves
Whom you think you love best
Love puts you through the test
And only loyal love will be me happiness
-Sinead O-Connor

Peace Out

Wednesday, November 21, 2007


This was sent to me by my favorite preschool teacher...You know who you are ;)

When I stand up for myself and my beliefs, they call me a bitch.

When I stand up for those I love, they call me a bitch.
When I speak my mind, think my own thoughts or do things my own way,
they call me a bitch.
Being a bitch means I won't compromise what's in my heart.
It means I live my life MY way. It means I won't allow anyone to step on me.
When I refuse to tolerate injustice and speak against it, I am defined as a
The same thing happens when I take time for myself instead of being
everyone's maid,
or when I act a little selfish.
It means I have the courage and strength to allow myself to be who I truly
won't become anyone else's idea of what they think I "should" be.
I am outspoken, opinionated and determined. I want what I want and there is
nothing wrong with that!
So try to stomp on me, try to douse my inner flame, try to squash every
of beauty I hold within me. You won't succeed.
And if that makes me a bitch, so be it.
I embrace the title and am proud to bear it.

B - Babe
I - In
T - Total
C - Control of
H - Herself

B = Beautiful
I = Intelligent
T = Talented
C = Charming
H = Hell of a Woman

B = Bold
I = Individual
T = That
C = Can
H = Handle anything

"If you can't do something right, get a woman to do it."

The Sweetest Dream of All

You were dreamt of on a lazy day.
Your long eye lashes looking up at your mommy as you nursed.
Tiny fingers wrapping around locks of hair.
Your heavy breathing with fluttery eyelids.
Your quick heartbeat that only babies have.
The smell of your smooth creaseless skin.
You were so dreamy and ended up being a misty thought.
You were here and then you weren't.
Your mommy missed you but never knew you.
Tears came and plans changed.
You'll always be in your mommy's dreams.
Sweet sweet dreams.

Peace Out

Sunday, November 18, 2007

My First Hair Cut

Friday night my friends Anna And Kevin came over with their little boy Silas for a slumber party. My fashionista amiga Anna, who is a hair stylist, gave me my first hair cut since it grew back!! That is,she trimmed up the fro. I have not had a hair cut in a year. Last year when I knew I would loose all my hair due to chemo, I went and cut it all off. I cut off 12 inches and sent it to Locks of Love.
At the time I had long dark straight beautiful long hair. I think now it seems almost black and fro-ish.
The drinks were flowing and the music was good. We were silly and and had a great time. The kids played and giggled.
She works at Salon Joseph in Seattle if you want a great hair style and a lot of laughs!!!!!!!!!
600 W McGraw Street
Seattle, WA 98119-5801 Phone: 206.285.1113

Anna Schumacher

Heaven and Hell

Can you pin point the moment your life felt like it would fall apart if even a small breeze came through your window?
Was it call from your doctor? Was it a confession from a loved one?
I am not in the business of hurting folks. I would rather take the pain on myself to rescue others from hurt.
Hell on earth is watching the people you love get hurt. Especially children. I would do anything in my power for my girls to never feel pain. Emotionally or physically. Any parent would.
Heaven on earth is the joy of raising happy children. Helping them to be good people.
I love my family. I want to honor them and keep them from pain. I want to be a shield that will take the flying arrows. I never want to be the bringer of pain. And if I do, I am sorry. I am so sorry.

Peace Out

Sunday, November 11, 2007


I have mentioned my hair, the Cho Fro, haven't I?
The fro I go after chemo.
The hair that has become a mullet.
The FroMullette, as it have been named by Anna and Kevin.
Oh yea, it's getting big.
I have NEVER had curly hair in my whole life that was not chemically induced. It's a whole new ball game here folks. New products. New style. Complete confusion. Don't get me wrong, I am sooooooooo happy to have hair these days!
I was reading a fellow bloggers entry about a certain hair commercial. It's a commercial that I had seen the other day. These chicks swinging their hair everywhere. The announcer implying that it's how hair should be. As if all the world's problems would be fixed if we used this product and our hair flowed as the model's did. Maybe that's right. If I had good hair, cancer would dim in comparison. World hunger and suffering would come to a halt if we all had sexy hair.
I refuse to name the product and give it ad time on my blog.
I will say, I may go but it and rub it all over my now erased flat chest and see if it feels better. :)

Peace Out

Saturday, November 10, 2007

The Path

Some say that the path to heaven is through hell.
I have some friends who probably believe that. Not in a literal sense, but definitely figuratively speaking.
I had a girl's night last week with my cancer club friends. We had a great time. As I looked around the table I saw some women who definitely felt like they they had been through hell.
N-she's the furthest out from diagnosis and treatment. She's our mentor. She's got some cute little man made boobies and a great laugh to go with them.
C- has a new man, a new house and looking for one boob to go.
A- our actress and house funny girl.
K- keepin it real with her dark side.
C- growin hair and boob shoppin'.
P- sly smile and great humor. Her hair is circa Mia during the Sinatra days.
S- always has the best shoes and attitude.

We drank and ate and laughed our asses off. Folks probably looked over at us to see what all the noise was about. These days you can't tell what we've been through by just looking at us. We have hair, pink skin, and boobs(some real, some not). Out humor can be quite dark. Our jokes completely distasteful. We have the same path, just some different turns in the road.
We all wake up on this side of the grass and that's a good thing.

Peace Out

Sunday, November 04, 2007


What's up? My I have been busy.
I wish I could even list all that has been going on. Nothing bad. Just life.
You know, the usual stuff. At the end of the day I am pooped.
This week the girls and I are going to Texas to see my folks. Anthony is going to Maui on a dude surf trip. Then we will go to Oregon for turkey day and after that, Anthony is off to a business trip.
We had a great Halloween. The girls dressed as puppies.
The year is coming to an end amazingly quick.
Hope all is well for you.

Peace Out